But I have a cold, and who the fuck is The Sword.....

It’s been a while, a long while since I have been to a metal show and to be frank the thought of going to one wasn’t my idea of a great Thursday night. So I was as surprised as anybody to find myself sweaty, a little bloody and grinning ear to ear out side of the Northern early Friday morning.

I grew up listening to punk, hip hop, and metal, but in the past few years I have found metal and punk meaning less and less in my life, so when a friend of mine informed me that The Sword was coming to town, I thanked him and proceeded to not give a shit.

Those that live in Fernie know that this time of year can be painful as we wait for the seasons to transition. So some where between scratching my nuts and scratching my ass the morning before the show I decided to YouTube the Sword. While watching a selection of their epic videos something stirred, something from my past, something hidden away, something I liked.

I have to yell at the poor girl behind the bar to order my first Pilsner of the night, I tell myself that I’m not getting drunk tonight, but the thought doesn’t seem to register in my brain over the barrage of slashing guitar and the nonsensical throb of the kick drum that the opening band Black Cobra was pummeling the Northern with.

The suddenness of Black Cobras assault was almost too much for me, I just about lost my nerve, it was too much too soon! The lead singer was screeching into the mic and doing his best impression of Cousin It (for those of you too young to remember, Google it), and there was some long blond haired albino looking motherfucker creeping around the bar.

I had to leave! Immediately!

My knuckles were white from gripping my beer so tight; I was either going to throat punch someone or wet myself! Then I felt someone grab my arm; we’ll call him Sammy. I had met Sammy  earlier in the week at the Krafty Kutz show, but that’s another story.

He pulled me close and bellowed, “Dude! This show is gonna be awesome!”, I nodded dumbly as he ushered my towards the stage. “Hold on!”, I bawled, I chugged my beer and signaled the girl behind the bar for another.

Firmly planted in a corner, I listened to Black Cobra screech and wail indiscernible lyrics and use over distorted fades as transitions, I was not overly impressed.  They were serving their purpose though, peoples heads were bobbing to the shitty music. I even started to feel that familiar  “fuck yeah” feeling. These guys weren’t who or what I came to see, but their amphetamine fueled guitar and shitty drumming was actually getting me in the mood….

Six beer and a shot of Jamisons later Black Cobra’s set finally came to a close, Cousin It parted the mop of hair from his eyes thanked the crowd for our patience and announced that The Sword’s performance was imminent!

Room started to buzz. People pulled themselves from their tables and circled cliques and moved towards the stage. We were all eager to see these what destruction the night had in store.

Then it happened.

The Sword took the stage!

We all screamed!

Then I saw him!

The long blond haired albino motherfucker!

Holy fuck!

He was the lead guitarist!

His name is Kyle Shutt, and the bastard brought a wind machine for his hair!

He and his fellow warriors, lead singer JD Cronise and Bassist Bryan Ritchie spared no soul as they immediately laid into us with their first archaic metal ballad!

These fuckers mean business from the word go! There is a reason why the likes of Mettalica and Kyuss have included the The Sword as an opening act. They did not let up, not once, things promptly got sweaty. I promised myself I would keep a clear head for this show, so I pounded a Redbull sans vodka and pushed forward into the heaving throng.

This is what tight fucking music is, heaving rhythms, pulsating lyrics and face melting guitar solos! These guys are the real fucking deal, along with Red Fang and a hand full of other destroyers, The Sword is redefining stoner rock, their vicious unapologetic ballads are keeping metal alive!

Shutt eye fucks the crowd as he melts our faces with a blazing guitar solo, Cronise voice echoes ominously! I’m starting to fucking lose it! People keep running into me, keep invading my personal space, someone pushes me from behind; I whirl around ready to deliver a throat punch, its Sammy! I grab him by the scruff of the neck and drag him into the pit! Sweat, elbows, knees, spraying beer, El Guapo airborne, wind machines, bleeding ears and melted faces!

Just as there fore fathers Sabbath and Maiden have done, The Sword is cleaving a path of awesome destruction with no end in sight. If you haven’t already seen or heard of them I suggest that you go out of your way to be waylaid by The Sword! They’re Fucking Awesome!

CHECK IT!

The Sword; Lawless Lands

Red Fang: Prehistoric Dog
 Sabbath: Children of the grave